i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
