Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
