Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Blow job season was short but glorious.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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