It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
