So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
