Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
