There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just had sex bonerless
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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