paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
