I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Randomize