If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
