I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
