On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So many bounce houses so little time
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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