Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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