you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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