drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
