he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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