I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
