he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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