at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My pussy is not your playground.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
