Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
