It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
