I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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