Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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