His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Randomize
