I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
