I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
