And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
