She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
