so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
