I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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