He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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