My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
