Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
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