Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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