I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
