OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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