I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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