I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
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