She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
