peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
