My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
It's shark week go big or go home
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
There's even glitter on my cock...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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