Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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