a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
