I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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