I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
