I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
