I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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