So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm just crazy horny about you
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
