I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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