Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
