i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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