My entire life is one complicated drinking game
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
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