my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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