We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
