I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
