I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
