god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
