if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
