FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
