if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
There was a lot of him and a little penis
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
