the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
