just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize
