i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
