i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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