once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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