Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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