If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Randomize
