I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
