Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
